You hear it often in society that someone is a "tough negotiator" or people are "in negotiations." People tend to feel that they are either a negotiator or not one at all. The reality is that everyone negotiates, and you can improve your negotiation skills if you understand what the goals of negotiation are.
"Negotiate" Definition
According to Webster's New World Dictionary, the term "negotiate" has three plausible definitions. The first is the most common way negotiate is viewed: "to discuss with a view to reaching agreement." The second is "to transfer or sell" as is often used with bonds, stocks and other financial instruments. The third is to "succeed in crossing or passing."
Negotiate as Compromise
The most common way of thinking about negotiating is when two sides try to come to an agreement on some issue. This is often done in business, legal settlement discussions or sales prices. Both sides often have opposing desires and the option is one of two: to find a middle ground or to leave discussions and go separate ways. When it comes to business and legal negotiations, being a tough negotiator means sticking to your guns and getting the most out of the transaction as you can. This may mean having extra benefits added for the price, or reducing liabilities in one way or another. Good negotiators in these situations are respected and feared at the same time.
Improve Your Ability to Negotiate
Look at negotiation as a middle ground. You aren't trying to rip someone off or get the edge. You are discussing the desires and needs of both sides to find a way to make the situation feasible for both.
At the same time, you need to be prepared to walk away from a negotiation if you are not finding the middle ground you want. This is where many people fail in negotiation. Car salesmen know that if you are emotionally attached to the car, you are less likely to walk away from a negotiation of price. You have invested too much desire and energy into it. Those prepared to walk away empty-handed are often able to get more of what they want because they don't seem desperate or fearful that the negotiation won't go in the direction they want.
Also realize that you aren't trying to prove you are right in a negotiation. It isn't about absolutes; it is about middle grounds and gray areas.
Experiment with using silence in a negotiation. When you give the other person more time to think and speak, they are more likely to talk themselves into a less favorable situation for themselves.
